Wichita, KS (7M7AP): Sources tell me that the Wichita Wimps have secured a stadium deal in the city of Puncanton, Kansas, ensuring the Wimps' presence in Kansas for years to come. The stadium, known as "Brown Nugget Ballpark" is the epitome of "modern day ballparks" in the small city, and will become the standard in small market baseball. (pictured below)
"We are very pleased to announce the new stadium deal that we have struck with the great town of Puncanton", 7Mickey7 Vice President of League Expansion Yonkers McMullin commented. "The stadium deal secures a permanent home for the Wichita franchise for years to come. "
The new stadium will feature a sizable outhouse in the fields out back, featuring a urinal track that spans half of the bathroom area. It will also feature two enclosed bathroom stalls with team colored toilet paper."
The grounds will feature poultry shows daily, as well as games for the kids, such as cow puck tic-tac-toe and duck poo bingo.
The grounds will also feature farming marketing booths and demonstrations. On opening night in the stadium, the Future Farmers of America will show you the latest in pig and cow slaughtering techniques as well as new ways to clean up horse poo.
After the demonstration, the food and beverage department will feature fresh hot dogs and hamburgers, corn, mashed potatoes, and biscuits available for purchase at $40 per plate.
"We're talking fine dining here, only available at our ball park," commented Puncanton Mayor Cletus Jones.
Opening night will also feature an "Abe Lincoln" bobblehead, and he will be on-hand to bring relievers out from the bullpen to the pitching mound, a permanent part of the game night presentation. (pictured below)
The first 100 fans to the opening of the stadium will receive a free styrofoam shovel emblazoned with the Wimps logo.
The Wimps presence in town will also help the town of Puncanton financially.
"The arrival of the franchise will help this city develop into a mid-market city in about 57 years," Mayor Jones commented. "We've already started to sketch out some of the new housing developments." (pictured below)
The team front office employees will be moving to a brand new office, featuring central-air (when the windows are open), the best in computer communications (smoke signals), as well as a TV that will greet their fans as they enter the offices (8 inch black and white).
The team will begin the relocation process at the conclusion of Season 11.
(7M7AP): Artist's Rendering of the soon-to-be "Brown Nugget" Ballpark
(7M7AP): The "Abe Lincoln" call to the bullpen.
(7M7AP): Housing Development